Having time out from caring

Taking a break from caring for the person who is terminally ill is vital for your own health and wellbeing. If you don’t take a break then there is a danger that you will become unwell yourself and be unable to continue caring for them. Sometimes taking a temporary break from caring is called respite. 

What sort of break you have and how long that break is will depend on what works best for you and the person you care for. It is sensible to talk with them about taking a break from your caring role when planning ahead together. You may prefer a few hours regular break each week, or you may want less frequent but longer breaks enabling you to take a holiday, catch up on sleep, or pursue a hobby.

Whilst having that break someone will need to look after the person you normally care for. This could be another family member, a care worker coming in to provide support in the home, or a stay in a care home or hospice.

To access a break you can talk to:

1. The person you care for’s GP or nurse about organising a regular break. In Surrey, we have a GP Carer Breaks Scheme. Most GPs in Surrey are able to prescribe a carer a one-off grant up to the sum of £300 in order to meet a carer’s health needs.   
2. Your local Surrey County Council social care team. You are entitled to your own carer’s assessment and as a result of that assessment, you may be offered your own support. This could be in the form of a direct payment to enable you to pay for a day out, a short holiday or to pursue a hobby or interest. Social care teams will also assess the person you care for, with a view to arranging care for them (or giving them a direct payment) so that you can safely leave them and have peace of mind. Social care support for the person you care for is however subject to a financial assessment.
3. Specialist voluntary providers. There are a number of voluntary organisations and private care providers in Surrey that can help you to have a break. In particular Crossroads Care Surrey (in partnership with the NHS) can provide a free, end-of-life carer support service for carers and people affected by life-limiting illnesses. A palliative-care-trained carer support worker will take over the caring role, giving you, the unpaid carer, regular breaks. Crossroads also run a variety of social clubs for adults with disabilities, including dementia, which may help you to have a break. If looking for a care home provider which offers respite Care Choices may be of help to you.   

If you need help to access a break from your caring role or need more local information about carer breaks talk to Action for Carers Surrey or if you want additional information outside of Surrey access Carers UK’s factsheet about taking a break. 

1. Try to get a good night’s sleep, although this can be difficult when you are a carer. The person you care for may need help during the night and you need to be with them. Worrying about them and their end of life care can also keep you awake. You can try to relax before bed with a book, magazine, or hot bath, or call a friend to help you relax.
2. Do something you enjoy such as running, swimming, yoga, or just walking in the park. Sometimes it helps if you can find a friend who shares a similar interest to go with. You can discuss how to access local facilities and classes with a member of your local social care team during your carer’s assessment.
3. Try to avoid feelings of guilt and anxiety as this can put you off setting aside that necessary time for yourself. It is normal to wonder if the person you care for will be well looked after whilst you are not there, but try to remind yourself that you come back better able to deal with the demands of end of life care.