Search

Understandably the dying person may be mentally and emotionally distressed especially when they are cognitively alert near the end of life. They may also have very specific fears and concerns, for example, worrying about being alone at the end or a fear of the unknown and leaving their loved ones behind. This fear can be made worse when family and friends do not know how to help or what to say and may even stop visiting adding to the person’s sense of isolation. Sometimes doctors feel a sense of helplessness as they cannot cure the person and can seem to avoid the dying person. Things to think about If the person is highly anxious and depressed it is important to treat the emotional pain and suffering. Talk to their doctor about what can be offered. You might want to contact a counsellor, ideally one familiar with end-of-life issues. If the depression or anxiety is severe…

The signs of death approaching will be different for each person. It is difficult to predict what may happen at the end of life, how long the final stage of dying will last, or when death will actually happen. Death may come quickly due to an unexpected event or the final dying process may happen slowly with the person you care for lingering. The following signs are examples of what may happen to the person you care for and who is dying. Some may or may not happen, but it can be useful to know about them. Body changes very weak and unable to get out of bed needing help with all personal care loss of interest in food and may have little food or fluid intake for days the mouth becomes very dry and/or mucus collects at the back of the mouth trouble taking medication, swallowing tablets sudden movements of muscles, twitching or jerking (terminal restlessness caused…

One of the biggest challenges of being a carer for someone with a terminal illness is knowing when to ask for help. There may be certain crossroads in your caring journey when you will ask yourself different questions about when is the right time to ask for help and where to go for it: Who should I ring if I am worried about the health of the person I care for? If it is a medical emergency then call 999. This can include loss of consciousness, an acute confused state, fits that aren’t stopping, chest pain, breathing difficulties, severe bleeding that won’t stop, and severe allergic… depending on the level of risk. Tel: 01483 517898 or email: edt.ssd@surreycc.gov.uk When can I ask my local hospice for help? You may not want to call a hospice until the final days and weeks of caring for your loved one, however, your local hospice can help you much earlier on by providing additional…

Here’s a summary of how you and the person you care for can work together to get their financial affairs in order in preparation for end of life. It explores what funding sources are out there to support the person you care for, as well as you as their carer. Getting financial affairs in order can be very helpful to the person you care for as it gives them the opportunity to take control of something when their life has been turned upside down. It will also help you as their carer and other family members to deal with their financial affairs after their death during a very difficult and emotional time. “Getting financial affairs in order” will mean different things to different people but generally speaking it will involve you helping the person you care for to do the following: Put all important papers and copies of legal documents in one place. Help the person you care…

Here’s a quick guide for planning end of life care with the person you care for. It explores the importance of taking a planned approach and highlights a number of ways in which, together, you can make an advance plan whilst the person you care for has the mental capacity to make their own decisions. When the person you care for has a terminal illness, it can be an especially difficult time for you too. It will be physically and emotionally demanding with lots of practical things to think about. You and the person you care for may not feel like planning ahead, but there are a number… what is important to them, you, and wider family in relation to end of life care. The person you care for may assume that if they are unable to make a decision about their own care and treatment because they lack mental capacity, those close to them such as yourself can make decisions on their behalf…

You and/or the person you care for may find it easier to ask a professional to be involved in discussions about death. Or it might be simply having the professional there that will give everyone more confidence to talk about death. Who that professional is will often depend on the person you care for and who they have the most contact with, for example, their GP, a social care worker, or a palliative care nurse. Many ‘end of life’ conversations take place in hospital, yet there are massive variations on the part of medical staff as to how and when conversations about dying take place. Unless doctors and ward staff state very clearly that a patient is dying or is at high risk of dying relatives and carers are often left in limbo. Consent to share information can also prove to be a barrier to families getting the information they need to get an honest and accurate picture…

A person with a learning disability may need support to talk about death and dying or to make important decisions around their own end of life care. They may need additional help, specific to their communication needs, to ask questions and to make sure their wishes and preferences are recorded. ​A person with a learning disability in your family may also be involved in providing end of life care. Marie Curie has developed a number of easy read booklets that will help a person with a learning disability talk about death and provide support to someone with a terminal illness. For more information about talking with people with learning disabilities and end of life planning Professor Irene Tuffrey-Wijne talks further at Tuffrey-Wijne . …

, or the funeral director, can talk to the staff at the crematorium to ensure the setting is right, particularly if you have special requests. How to choose music and readings? Music is likely to be an important part of the ceremony before, during, and at the end as people leave. This can be religious…

It can be difficult to pick up the pieces after a long period of caring. Here are some issues you might want to think about in terms of moving on. Having a break You may be relieved when your caring role stops and this can make you feel guilty. This is a normal reaction. You may also feel unwell, as you are coping with grief and physical exhaustion from your caring role. There also may be health issues that you have ignored for some while. You may have some immediate practical issues to deal with, so it is important to give yourself the space and time for a much needed rest and to adjust without rushing into making any significant decisions about how you fill your time in the future. You could consider taking a short break somewhere to recuperate. Talk to your GP, who may be able to give you a GP Carers Break Payment to help cover the cost. You could just do things you enjoy…

If you have been caring for a number of years you may be feeling very isolated and would like to link up with other former carers in a similar situation. Contact your local hospice to find out about support groups for former carers, or contact Action for Carers in Surrey. You can also speak to former carers on the Carers UK Forum . How about returning to an interest or hobby, or perhaps learning a new skill? There may be some courses and training in your area. You may also find it a great way to meet new people with similar interests. During your caring role, you will have gained new… their caring role to further use by exploring related volunteering opportunities. You can, for example, volunteer with Action for Carers in Surrey by helping out with administration, carer events, fundraising, or campaigning on behalf of carers. You might also consider working as a volunteer…